"Like a Virgin"

     Hello world its me again, and i have to say it feels good to be back at the helm of my keyboard :).
as i sit here in my chair, smoking my cigarette wondering about what i should write about, wondering about what would impact you all in the most drastic way. I'm sure you're all wondering about who i plan on yelling at or what mean spirited thing to i have to say about so and so.

     I've been thinking alot about the direction of this blog and where i want it to go, how to achieve my goals as far as followers and subscribers. I'm at the point to where im not sure what to write because i have family and friends who would be immensely pissed about some of the things i do want to write about on here, and that would cause problems in my home life. I find myself hesitant to speak the truth on some matters and i feel hypocritical for that because ive always put honesty and truth above all else in life.

     As of today, ive decided that i no longer care about the repercussions of my actions and words here on this site. If I am to make this blog what it is supposed to be and do justice to my readers and those who know and love me i must embrace honesty to the fullest extent. Now then, with that said, on to our feature presentation.


     Many people have asked me to write about this for a long time now. Even today ive had people pestering me about details of my relationship with a girl named sacha. Today i plan to give that story, MY story, in hope that people will be satisfied and finally leave me to forget those events that transpired, and in doing so i shall find peace.

     To begin, id like to say first off that i loved her with all my heart, we were together for five years for christ sake what do you expect? I honestly thought that we were going to get married and have kids and live for God and all that mumbo jumbo.... I never treated her badly, never laid my hands on her or abused her verbally. I always tried my hardest to uplift her to be closer to God almighty in hopes that she would ascend to greatness just like i believed she was destined to be, and i thought id always be at her side to see that day... but, alas, it wasnt meant to be...

     At the demand of our pastor, her mother, an evangelist, and her friends....she was to rip my heart out and smear it all over my life... over the GODDAMN PHONE! She never spoke to me about anything, she just said that i wasn't "uplifting" enough to her, really now?? and in the coming days and months she preceded to make my life a living hell...how you ask?? well her mother just happened to be my landlord... (this is the part where i stab myself in the neck). Her dear mother has always hated me because of one simple thing, I come from a background of poverty, and that's all i have to say about the mother cause she can just go fuck herself, i don't give a damn about her.

     In recent days ive done all i can to put her behind me, and it is my sincere hope that this all be put to rest, Ive found a little evidence that suggests that sacha cheated on me, and i dont care enough to to prove it because i just want it to end but before i end anything there is one thing that i must publicly apologize to sacha for, and it is my sincerest hope that this reaches her ears.

     Sacha, if you're reading this i want you to know that i lied to you once and only once. Remember when you told me that you let your ex-boyfriend stick his penis inside of you and you asked me if that meant you weren't a virgin and i reassured you that you were a virgin? Well i lied to make you feel better, youre not a virgin and you can ask your mom and your pastor and all those fucks who convinced you that i wasnt good enough for you. Have a nice life :)

     In closing, id like to say that i am a firm believer in that you can only hate someone as much as you onced loved them. Remember those words in your own lives and try to forgive those you love because someday they may become the bane of your existence. Stop the cycle of hate....be honest.

                                                                                                         

     Many days have passed since my last posting, due to recent chaotic events that have shaken my life to the core. Fortunately im just as alive and well as i ever was and, even more fortunately im back to posting on my "virtual fuck off machine". There are many things that I want to talk about on here in the coming days and weeks and many more that ive been asked to talk about and im going to try my best to get to everything in a timely manner.

     Now with that said, I humbly envoke my 1st ammendment right to free speech and would like to say fuck off to the following people/companies/organizations:
                                         Sacha C.
                                         Dusty P.
                                         Crazy Lady across the street
                                         Sacha's Mother
                                         The creators of "Miracle whip"
                                         Casey Anthony
                                         NAMBLA
                                         facebook
                                         Microsoft

     Now that ive gotten that out of my system, id like to thank the video games "Spore" "terraria" and "the sims 3"  for effectively occupying the entirety of my life for the past few months and keeping me from the brink of total insanity.

     Please keep your eyes on the horizon for my next posts, i promise that you will be at least somewhat amused by them.

                                                                                  until next time my friends

"Cancer? I hardly knew her!"

There are many things in this world that are bad for your health. It seems like some of these viruses, infections and diseases come and go like teenage fads. one minute its west-nile and the next its the swine flu.

Ill be the first to admit that I'm not the healthiest person out there, in fact I'm probably one of the worst, and I love it. One thing Ive been known to do, as many people around the world do, is smoke. Yes yes I know exactly what your thinking, 'its bad for you', 'its an addiction', 'a bad habit', 'disgusting' all of these have been used to describe smoking but the one that I get the most is 'it causes cancer!'.

My usual reply to the whole cancer thing is 'what in this day and age doesn't cause cancer'? But i soon realized that wasn't the right question, the question is, 'what are does cause cancer'? So that's what I did, I looked into it and did some research and found a fairly comprehensive list of things that can actually cause cancer, and you wouldn't believe what I found!

Mostly i found a bunch of chemicals that I have very little clue what they are but as I read I found some very interesting everyday things we consume that can give us the big 'C', things such as:

alcohol

air pollution

arsenic

asbestos

asphalt fumes

baby food

barbecued meat

birth control pills

bottled water

bread

breasts

brooms

bus stations

candles

casual sex

car fumes

celery

charred foods

cooked foods

chewing gum

Chinese food

chips

coffee

crackers

dairy products

diet soda

winter

well water

toasters

The list goes on really, so long I have the link at the bottom of the post just so you can go do your little check on it yourself.

Now to the point Ive set out to make: LEAVE ME ALONE ABOUT SMOKING AND CANCER. I'm well aware of the affects of smoking but NEWS FLASH: I DO NOT CARE!! If I was going to quit smoking for the sole purpose of cancer then I would have to quit a lot of things and by a lot I mean A LOT and many of these things I'm not so sure I'm willing to quit, such as gingerbread or salt and I'm surely not quitting breasts and chips.....you can just forget that right now. The fact of the matter is, like most smokers, i enjoy smoking much like many people enjoy many of the things on this list. Even the polio vaccine can cause cancer for goodness sake!!!so take your pick: polio or cancer? I'm not sure about you but I'm fairly glad not to have polio and I'm not saying that cancer is a better option, I'm just saying that smoking isn't the only thing that causes cancer, contrary to what public access television will tell you.

Its time for some of these health fanatics to get off their vegetarian high horse because veggies cause cancer too!!! Its not even about smoking anymore, this is about judgement!! People judging each other by their bad habits, but I know for a fact that if I started pulling every ones skeletons out of their respective closets this would be one heck of a more humble and understanding world.

And I'm sure that i can guess at what some of my readers who know me personally will say, they'll say how much Ive changed and how i don't care about doing "whats right" and those are the same people, so full of judgement hiding be hind a veil of humble pie pretending that they re not arrogant. when in reality they've alienated anyone who ever was willing to lend an open mind to their demons and accept them for who they truly are, even my readers who don't know me I'm sure that if your not this person you have a friend like this and if you were to post what Ive posted here your phone and your facebook or myspace would all be flooded with whiny calls and messages asking if they were the one you were talking about.

The moral of the story is: get past all the things about people that you don't approve of and make sure you re willing to give up as much as they are to save a friendship, OR I could just shove by foot so far up your rectal cavity ill be training TSA agents.

The complete list of things that give you cancer

"Piggy Bank"

OK peeps, remember waaaaay back on my VERY FIRST blog, when i said id be making dead baby seal jokes as much as possible?? Well this isn't one of them, ITS EVEN BETTER!!!! I have found a site that sells piggy banks...real ones, made from REAL PIGLETS!!!!! HOW FREAKING AWESOME IS THAT?!?! I want one so bad that i'm willing to go club a piglet to death right now! no joke there at all, I have a nice aluminum baseball bat with the phrase "hippy punk slap" written in magic marker on it saved specifically for occasions like this.

in the companies defense, they aren't killing piglets just to make these awesomely creepy money savers, they only use piglets that have died of natural causes ( how disappointing), but thats not quelling the hippy outrage.

these things aren't cheap either, they cost $4,000!!!! and take about a year to make, but the wait is well worth it if you love bacon that much :D

Animal Activists Aflutter Over Real-Piglet Piggy Bank

"MY GOD"

     So here i am walking down the street,minding my own business. I get to the corner to press the button to cross the crosswalk so i can get my beloved mountain dew. At this particular corner are two things: one of those guys who hold a sign for a certain undisclosed business and a church of undisclosed denomination.
     Now normally this would all be fine and dandy except for, once again, two things: this particular sign holder must have been the perfect example of the filthiest most degraded and intellectually eroded by television specimen of the worthless scum of my own generation and two he is standing in front of a church (of undisclosed denomination). Now you may be thinking "what does this guy, you and this church have to do with each other?" I'm glad you asked!
     as i was standing at that corner the scum...(mmhmm) i mean sign guy was yelling at what seemed to be a co-worker of his, and as most of us know the state of affairs with my generation also know that most of us have a very small vocabulary thus resorting to every form of profanity known to man, and at first i didn't have a problem with this...at least at first anyways. this guy was dragging everybody and their brother into the tongue lashing he was giving his co-worker, who might i add was not putting up much of a fight back...in fact his co-worker just stood there and took at. the weird thing is that the guy Mr. sign was yelling at out weighed him by at least 100lbs and had a foot of height on the lil twerp so he could easily just stomp the obnoxious little freak, but he didn't. at that moment i had MAJOR school flashbacks, back to every kid i ever saw bullied and didn't step in on back to every time I was bullied and never helped but i still just waited patiently for my walk signal.
     As i said before, it wasn't any of my concern what this inbred little freak did or said, at least that's what i thought till he brought up a name i knew. A name most of us know quite well i might add. i was completely fine with this injustice until someone intervened, until someone was drug into it or stepped into it i have no idea. I was fine with it until this cretin brought the name of Jesus Christ MY LORD into the filth he was brewing. but alas i regret to say, i did nothing. I got my walk signal and as i started out into the street i looked back into his eyes and was on my way.
     i was in the store, i had my dew, i was at checkout....but the dew had to wait. something had to be done about the abomination to the human race out there on the corner...(now you see why i emphasized the church?).
     to this idiots dismay, his place of employment happened to be next door to the gas station i get my dew supply from. and i went in and spoke to his manager. i told his manager what i heard and saw, and i told his manager that i was a christian man, and how his employees talking about MY GOD like that might be bad for business, and the manager told me he took care of it.i left, i got my dew, i started home....and as i crossed the street on the way back i happened to overhear some more words....some words somewhere along the lines of "you're fired"...not quite sure i could have mistaken it for "you're tired" but i doubt that.
     as i made my way home i couldn't help but think of the poor kid who took the abuse, who despite his size he allowed this fool to speak to him that way, but even more so i couldn't help but think about how we do the same to God....how we speak such slander and filth to God with not only words but our actions and inaction's i couldn't help but wonder and think about it all....but most of all i couldn't help but think.....don't mess with MY GOD!!

"Drinks on the Table"

OK so i got a joke for you all today! Man drives his car into a bar.... OK fine its not a joke it really happened.

In Madison county,Illinois a man drove his car through the front of a bar and out the back and came to a halt against a picnic table in the rear of the bar. police believe the man was drunk and surprisingly no one was injured during the accident.

Now in this mans defence, I don't believe he was drunk, i mean come on he hadn't even got to the bar yet!! maybe he was just to impatient to park? After a long day of drinking sometimes you just need a nightcap to take the edge off i suppose.

The real hero of the story was the picnic table, the guy was driving a FORD ESCORT and drove THROUGH A BUILDING and this brave little table saved all the happy little alcoholics from near destruction, YAY!!! Honestly had the owner put the table in front of the bar the whole incident could have been avoided, ITS FREAKING SUPER TABLE SERIOUSLY!

The moral of the story,surprisingly isn't don't drink and drive cause that's safe remember? the true moral of the story is to stockpile tables in from of our houses in light of the Toyota-Prius uprising and truly protect ourselves from the motor vehicle uprising that becomes more and more evident every day.

"Stupid Crimes & Misdemeanors" Archives - St. Louis News - Daily RFT

heres the original article

"Anger management, Idiot prevention"

OK so i'm running through msnbc.com, fishing for some material for this long over due post, Lo and behold i found my idiot of the day.

Apparently a woman was stabbed in an anger management session in Seattle. She was complaining about a tape the class was showing when another woman in the class asked her to "give it a chance". The 19 year old attacker pulled out a 3 inch blade and stabbed her, more reasonable, classmate.

So while you kinda have to expect that someone in an anger management class would do something along these lines because hey, they're in ANGER MANAGEMENT they might be angry, I cant say that i'm not surprised.

My beef isn't with the woman who likes to stab or the woman who likes to get stabbed, the real idiots here are the class organizers. I cant take more than a cock splash of mouthwash or shampoo on an airplane without getting a full cavity search but this obviously angry and volatile woman seems to be able to get into an anger management meeting, a place where people with issues should be able to feel safe and talk about their problems, can get in armed and dangerous?!?! Think about it, you wouldn't let someone in an AA meeting with a beer, why wouldn't you think to have these people check what their packing at the door!

I'm not saying that miss stabby mcstabbstabb is in the right(or even in the wrong, because u shouldn't open your big mouth in an anger management meeting if you don't want to get stabbed, shot or molested....just sayin... >.> <.<) i'm just saying that organizers should pay a bit more attention and follow the rules, "you wouldn't take a heart patient on a roller coaster and you wouldn't take a mental patient on a hunting trip" (Christopher Titus), and u surely shouldn't let an anger patient waltz in with an AK-47! OK maybe its not that bad but whose to say someone wont get shot next time?

The moral of the story is while anger management is all and good, lets practice some idiot prevention.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39686527/ns/us_news-weird_news/ heres the original article